Our entire product line. Six compounds. Zero substances. Every single one is something a doctor, your grandmother, and a golden retriever would all independently recommend. Pop Add to Cart to receive your prescription.
touchus grassum (outdoor blade contact)
For when the discourse has fully poisoned your brain.
Press one (1) palm to live lawn. Hold 90 seconds. Do not Google the lawn.
Side effects include realizing the argument was never that deep.
dihydrogen monoxide (the wet one)
Clinically indistinguishable from just drinking water.
One (1) glass of water. Then, daringly, a second glass of water.
May cause urination. This is normal and frankly the point.
horizontalium (lie-down extract)
The only sleep aid that is also just sleep.
Apply face to pillow for twenty (20) minutes. Do not 'just check one thing.'
Do not operate heavy machinery, because you should be napping.
go outsidum (sky exposure)
Sourced directly from the big yellow thing.
Step through the rectangular wall portal (door). Stand in sky-light. Squint bravely.
Not available after sundown. Refunds issued in the form of stars.
movum corpus (the dreaded jog)
Free dopamine, dispensed by your own legs.
Walk briskly until slightly out of breath. Yes, that counts. Stop scrolling and go.
May cause you to enjoy a thing you previously dreaded. Spooky.
pettus caninum (a dog, ideally fluffy)
A very good boy, administered topically to the heart.
Locate one (1) consenting dog. Pet from skull to tail. Repeat until tail wags.
Highly habit-forming. You will want another dog. This is correct.